I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
