can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
