Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
