Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
