Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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