I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
