I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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