you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
