For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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