After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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