dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
