He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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