Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
