I think im going to throw up on grandma
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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