At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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