where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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