yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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