I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
