I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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