Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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