I bet he comes in French.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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