Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
