i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
