Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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