This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
