After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
