Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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