My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
