3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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