covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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