dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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