just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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