two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
