I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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