I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
