i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
