I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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