i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
