it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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