You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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