Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
