and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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