I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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