it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
