This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
