Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've blown a few things in my day
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
