Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
