I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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