I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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