Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
