You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
