Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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