So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
