she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you will always have a special place in my vag
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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