you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
