You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
