You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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