We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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