I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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