Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
