i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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