Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
