Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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