who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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