She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
