someone owes me an orgasm
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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