After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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